Feeling the Walls Closing in on Me

Last year we set a goal to look into buying a house (finally) this year, but it looks like that is till out of the question for a couple more years.

With that said I am not happy here. We were getting back on our feet when we took this house and also we were actually upgrading from the apt. we had to move to due to the house we were at being sold.

I still do NOT like it for a number of reasons and it's all starting to weigh me down.

1. This house sucks and is small!
My kitchen is a hallway; I can't spread out and when I am trying new stuff I feel smothered. So, I do not like to even spend a lot of time in there. Usually I might retreat to my crafting room, but wait that's the dinning room! If you have done ANY crafts ever it is hard to haul all your stuff out do a project, have a place to let it dry, to leave someplace if unfinished on a dinning room table!!!  I do not like the hard wood floors (that's my personal preference). I do not like the bubbly mental institute walls that the landlord likes. I do not like that the neighbors to my right have changed almost ever month since I have lived here with a wide variety of people (ie.. we suspect drug dealers, a felon child sex offender, people who filled the house with 20 dogs, and many more). It has a fire place that has no use what so ever srsly! We pay triple more than a friend whose house is twice a big to the electric company. And the no pet policy, (I'm missing my friends I had to get rid of terribly).

2. Fort Smith Public Schools Special Education.
I don't know if maybe I was just spoiled with Kansas' Special education system or what, but down here it SUCKS!! Isabelle has been in 4 different schools since we moved down here, (in Feb. 2008) and they told me she will def. be moving again next year. They ONLY have inclusion classes for her. In Kansas she was mostly mainstreamed with min. pull out time which when tested she had outstanding social skills compared to others her own age. Yeah that skill has gone down. Every time she gets new teachers it's a gamble on whether she will even learn that year. The first year she did coloring pages ONLY and regressed she even forgot how to spell her name. The second year we were blessed and that teacher did wonders. The next 2 years she spent every day in the office "sick"/playing with the office staff and did not even learn much at all!! We have been blessed this year with some great teachers she has learned a lot and continues, but like I said who knows what we will be stuck with next year. Another thing is in her IEP that was done in Ks. it specifically said she HAD to be bused from her home due to the nature of her disability and safe being. Yeah... So when/if she is bused it's from school to school there has been a year that she got on a bus at 6:45am and was not dropped off till 4:15pm; that's almost 10 hours! The last thing that FREAKS me out is she is in 4th grade in 2 more years they go off to Jr. High. BJ started this year with 900 other 7th graders there. Ok that's just 7th, but that's not counting 8th or 9th graders. My daughter will be unleashed in that school and having being in a total inclusion class thrown out to over 2,000 other children walking the halls. Some parent probably are laughing at my over hyped worrying but I don't care because this is MY child's life/education that is at risk!

3. My job has an awkward work schedule. I work 9:30-5:30, but by the time I get home it's 6:00 and I have to do dinner, homework, bedtime. It is just hectic at night on the week nights!

I don't know what we are going to do we have some options floating in our head, but all I can say is it's all pressing down on me and I have had this stupid cold for too long making me feel worse. I do apologize for the long drawn out gripe fest. I just need to get it out there!!

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