If you've been around me lately you've heard or seen some sort of negative vibe flow out of me, and I want to apologize. I am not usually like that, I love to get out and about, I usually love to meet new people, I usually make friends easily, and I usually am a positive person. Well I'm not sure what has happened but lately I have been miserable with stupid work drama, high blood pressure, people in general getting on my last nerve (Yes, a trip to the Dr. is planned, because I don't like feeling like this), and a little bit of homesickness I admit. Well last night I got a taste of the "if you think you got things bad, there is always some one with worse problems", and it hit me hard square in the face.
I know we have all heard this before and that it's true, but before it was easier for me to think, "That's is true but I don't know those people so it doesn't count" (Not really I just needed something to show for my self centeredness). I mean I know I have it better than the homeless that lives in the park across town, or the people who are losing their loved ones in wars/fighting. It's just that sometimes the small problems in my life consume me to a point where they are everything. Not until Easter, and then again last night was I truly shown that there are other that have worse problems than I do and those people, are my friends, my family, and I can't let my trivial pettiness get to me when they need support right now.
I will not go into details, because those are their stories to tell. I will pay my tribute to them however. On Easter I got a call from my mom telling me the horrifying news that was brought down upon my step sister Heather, and her husband Mark by someone they loved. A vengeful, unstable, adopted teenager used their love and responsibility as a good parent against them and destroyed the family that they gave her. They are currently still lingering on the unknown but still face life smiling and enjoying their remaining family as much as they can till the verdict is known.
My other friend has been leaving some subtle remarks of her circumstance on Myspace. I was finally curious enough to write her and ask her what the heck was goin on( neither one of us had our new phone numbers) and she told me to call her. So that night I called her still wallowing in my sad state, when I asked her whats going on. The story I got from her was a eye opening event. She recently had a surgery go terrible wrong causing some paralysis. Yet there she was sounding more upbeat than I have in weeks, and telling me that even though the Drs. tell her there is no recovery she laughs and tells me, "I will get better Staci, they can not tell me never". Well by now I'm already feeling small, because I've been all gloom and doom lately over petty little things while these people around me have real thing to be hurt over and they are standing strong and laughing, so I should be able to also. The deal breaker to my self improvement came when she asked in such a compassionate and unselfish manner, "So, Staci what going on I can hear it in your voice, whats got you down"? How could I possible answer her with my trivial little crap when she's the one who needs a shoulder. All I could say was, "Um, uh, nothing really. I guess I'm a little homesick that's all".
I was totally ashamed that I had been so self centered and focused on all the negativity around me that I forgot all the wonderful things around me to be blessfull for. I have great friends and family who maybe far away right now but love me unconditionally. I have breath in my lungs, and a working mind to think freely. I can't believe that I forgot that every new day is a gift from God. It's an opportunity to be great, to do great, to see greatness, and instead I have been gunking it up with dark grey clouds.
These, then, are my last words to you: Be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create that fact.
William James:Is Life Worth Living?